Saturday, June 13, 2009

i miss....

i miss everything here!!!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

edge of breaking down

I’m the the edge of breaking down. I know I can feel it because, from time to time I just wanted to cry out loud.

I cried last night, when I was in 1u alone, walking suddenly all the feelings that I’ve bottled up came out at one go. I nearly cried out loud. But I cried silently. I called my BFFAE (best friend forever and ever), Maybel because I know that if I don’t talk to anyone; my tears will non-stop keep falling.

I talked to her everything that I’ve been through. Every single thing, I know that I got nothing to hide from her but then I keep crying. She is all I have left in my social world; only one that I can really express myself, be the real me.

She is the only friend that I can really depend on, trust on. I do not need to hide anything from her, not my mood, not my feelings, not even my temper. I can just express it to her. I know she won’t judge me or what-so-ever.

She will always be there for me whenever I need a hug, I need a shoulder, I need an ear. She gives me love that I can’t feel it among my friends, she gives me care that I can’t feel it among my friends, she gives me warms that I can’t have it from my friends.

Every single trust I give to others, I always got hurt in end. When with me, act all goody good shoes, but at the back, I’ve no idea how many times I’ve been stabbed.
I miss her a lot. I miss her like crazy. I miss those crazy times I had with her.

Recently I’ve the problem of breathing, always gasping for air. But last night, was the worst ever. I nearly can’t breathe. Dizziness headaches all come… sighs…

Wtf, I’ve been really fucking emo nowadays compare to last time. I don’t know anymore. I’m so tired. Maybe if I quit this life, become a memory it will be better. I somehow wished I got amnesia, So that I can forget every single thing and start all over again. Don't wanna repeat what I've done, repeat all the shitty things i did. Maybe by that time, I will be happy.

Slowly i've no idea who the hell am i anymore. wtf.

Damned fucking emo…

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Take for Granted

I slowly realize I always give.
What they want I try my best to give
But why when I need maybe just a simple concern
I can't have it?

People always takes what they want from me.
But when I need a hand, need a ear
I really can't find any.

People always tell me that I got a lot of friends.
But do I really have?

Slowly I found out that a marble that is being left out in a box full of others.
The box is too full to fit me in.

Maybe I am hard to get along.
Maybe I am hard to understand.

I really don't know who am I anymore.

Whenever being with people,
I always wear a mask.
I always act like nothings happen.

But who knows,
What the fuck I'm thinking.
What I'm feeling.

Always listen to all the bullshit people telling me.
Always thought that maybe this time will be different
but fuck off.
the ending is always the same.

Every trust I give,
I always get hurt in return.

People says we are in the same boat.
do you all know what the hell I'm feeling?

I'm fucking depress.

But there's no one for me to talk to...
damned fucked up~!